Accepting the reality of having lost something critical to one’s well-being is not alien to my personal life, but it certainly is to my life as an American. I don’t think official America has ever grappled with the side of good having lost. I say “official” because the Confederate South certainly felt that their good side had lost in 1865. And they showed us so with Jim Crow laws and segregationist policies for a another century and counting. We knew we had lost in Vietnam, but by the time the last chopper left Saigon, Americans were questioning which side was the good side. Same for Iraq and Afghanistan.
What does living in this kind of “crisis” feel like? It’s not a war—at least not like the ones we’ve had since 1945, where civilians never have to sacrifice. It’s not another pandemic. It’s not like a recession or a depression, which used to be called “panics.” No one has the energy to panic. In a letter of October 3, 1961, the time of the Berlin Crisis, the poet Robert Lowell wrote: “there’s just a queer, half apocalyptic, nuclear feeling in the air, as tho nations had died and were now anachronistic, yet in their anarchic death-throes would live on for ages troubling us, threatening the likelihood of life continuing.” Poignant words, but how would he even know what a “nuclear feeling” felt like? Even the most lyrical among us have trouble describing the awful present until the distress has become mundane enough to seem old. In Lowell’s case, “nuclear feeling” dutifully returned almost a year to the day later with the Cuban Missile Crisis. Then it lie dormant again until the 1980s.
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